yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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