you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
