Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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