Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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