i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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