Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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