My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
