Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
