if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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