im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
