I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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