I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
