just tell him i said nine months
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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