I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
