I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
