I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Boobs are out for the taking
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
