saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
