Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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