I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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