No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I supernannyed him into submission
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