Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You ruined the universe