he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk is not a location!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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