One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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