i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.