I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.