At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell