goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.