I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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