First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
In America we eat man semen.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
