Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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