Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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