I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
