You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
