Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
