Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
