Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
