dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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