i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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