hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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