it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
