there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
