I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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