that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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