I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
