Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
