Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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