I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
