What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
