my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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