Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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