I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
