i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
