we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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