At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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