Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You have to summon your inner elephant
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
