If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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