I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
