Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
