every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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