i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
