I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
