the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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