so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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