You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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