What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
