Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
and she was petting her beer can
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
