I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
