I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize