You smell like a Billy Joel song
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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