Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
