I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sorry about my life...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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