I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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