she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize