so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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