I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
