highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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