I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
