he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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