a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
